Sarah- Wonderful style imitation of Mairs, I liked how the style was imitated but you put your own flavor into it. I laughed out loud a couple times while reading it, it was very much relatable. I liked the way you used concrete stories to illustrate how you felt with a limited amount of words. I very much enjoyed reading this, my one major suggestion would be to use more creative words in spots where you can. For example,you use some of the same words (want, ask, help) when I know you have the ability to use words that I would never even have thought of (smugly, mad skills, harmony, facilitated). Use those words that deviate from the standard verbs and adjectives more. Another minor thing you could think about changing is sometimes your sentence structure is somewhat similar; you start many of your sentences with the word "I." These aren't the worst mistakes you can make in fact I think your essay is fantastic on your own I just think it could be even better if you took these few suggestions. Thanks for sharing your story!
Sarah- Wonderful style imitation of Mairs, I liked how the style was imitated but you put your own flavor into it. I laughed out loud a couple times while reading it, it was very much relatable. I liked the way you used concrete stories to illustrate how you felt with a limited amount of words. I very much enjoyed reading this, my one major suggestion would be to use more creative words in spots where you can. For example,you use some of the same words (want, ask, help) when I know you have the ability to use words that I would never even have thought of (smugly, mad skills, harmony, facilitated). Use those words that deviate from the standard verbs and adjectives more. Another minor thing you could think about changing is sometimes your sentence structure is somewhat similar; you start many of your sentences with the word "I." These aren't the worst mistakes you can make in fact I think your essay is fantastic on your own I just think it could be even better if you took these few suggestions. Thanks for sharing your story!
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